“What you’re not changing, you’re choosing.”

This is a quote that someone I know lives by and often repeats when it comes to recurring issues—and honestly, the way things have been going for me, I am starting to see how true it might be.

One thing I’ve always struggled with (and if you take a look at my post history, you’ll see this pattern) is friendships and maintaining communication with people. I don’t know why, and I guess if I’ve been complaining about this for this long, you could say I’m choosing it? When it comes to communicating with people who aren’t in close proximity, it’s a real struggle. On top of that, I find it difficult to maintain more than three or four close relationships at a time—trust me, I know because I have tried.

There was a period when I actively tried to build closer relationships by consistently calling people and responding to messages, but I actually think I burnt out from that experience. So, if this is something I haven’t changed about myself, can I really admit that I’m choosing it? or maybe that is just innately who I am and I cannot change it even if I tried. Maybe, maybe not—but I can see how that argument could be made.

That being said, another perspective to consider is that sometimes it’s not you that needs to change, but your situation. I remember when I wasn’t earning much money-you would never catch me outside saying I was hanging out with friends because, quite frankly, I was too focused on saving to justify casually spending on meetups. But now that I have more disposable income, I find that I’m more willing and have consistently allowed myself to have more fun and spend time with friends.

The other day, my friend told me that she used to struggle to get me to go out with her because I would always respond, “I can dance to the music in my room.” Honestly, I can’t believe I used to say that – though, knowing my personality, it does sound like something I’d say. And to be fair, I still somewhat stand by it, but that’s beside the point. That shows how my bad my social skills used to be and how much better it is now that money is in the picture, so I am also inclined to believe that the more money I have better friend I would be.

My question for this post is: Are there any flaws you have when it comes to friendships? And do you believe that because you’re not changing them, you’re choosing them?