Adulting is not speaking to someone in a while then one day they pop into your head and you either feel comfortable enough to reach out to check-in, or you feel too awkward to do so for whatever reason.
As someone who tends to go through the motions of this, I feel I have a vague routine of talking myself up before I reach out to people I haven’t spoken to in a while.
So here are my top tips on how to do this:
The Best Time is Now
Don’t wait for the perfect moment to reach out to someone. There is no better time than now. People are busy, and life happens, so take the initiative as soon as possible. Whether it’s a simple text, email or phone call, just do it. Don’t be in your head, don’t make it seem bigger than it is. The longer you wait, the harder it can be to take that first leap.
I have come to realise there is an overinflated level of importance people think they have. So when you feel like it’s a big deal to not have messaged someone and you keep thinking about it and making a big deal out of it, it just means you think you are more important than you actually are in that person’s life. So in the nicest way possible, get over yourself and send that message.
Have little to No expectations When You Reach Out
People change over time and that’s okay. So when you reach out, expect that the person you once knew may not be the same. Also, depending on why the communication stopped in the first place, expect that they may or may not respond and that’s fine too. The aim of reconnecting is about re-establishing a bond, not picking up exactly where you left off.
And it’s a bit weird of anyone to think that someone they haven’t spoken in 5 months m will be the exact same same for 5 months. So when you reach out with little to no expectations, you will have to make the choice to accept whatever engagement or interaction the other person is willing to give you (or not).
Start Small: Don’t do too much
There’s no need to write a novel. A simple “Thinking of you and wanted to say hi!” is a great way to break the ice. Asking about their job, family or hobbies is also a great way to ease into the conversation. Don’t overwhelm the conversation by diving too deep too quickly (e.g. are you still with your boyfriend? I heard you all were going through a rough patch). Be respectful of their boundaries and allow the conversation to flow naturally. Remember, you’re just dipping your feet in the water.
Leverage Significant Events
Holidays, celebrations, and special occasions can be great times to reach out. Use events like Christmas, Easter, Ramadan, or even a birthday as a natural conversation starter to reconnect. For example, Hey, I know it’s been a while since we’ve spoken but as it is [your birthday, Christmas, ]. I just want to wish you the best of the [celebrations] and hope you have a great day. It’ll be great t reconnect and catch up some time when you are available.
With that being said, I’m going to leave you with this. Give yourself a week, if you don’t message that person. Let it Go and occupy your mind with thoughts of other people.
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